Today's Track : The Cranberries - Animal Instinct

So I’m driving around town in a big minivan. Yes, I’ve traded in my Ferrari for a family car. Oh how I’ll miss that Ferrari. Long gone are the days of cruising down Yonge street, slouched low, listening to Ricky Martin.

Of course I didn’t really own a Ferrari. In fact I haven’t owned a car in about 2 years. I don’t have kids nor am I even married. My means of transportation for the past 2 years has been borrowing my dad’s beat up Chevy Lumina. Unfortunately the Lumina is on its last wheel and its days are numbered. I’ve been borrowing my mom’s friend’s minivan for the last few days to get around. And let me tell you how many soccer moms have turned their eye on me and my MILF-mobile. Too bad the encounters have always been at traffic lights or else I’d definitely have gotten some MILF by now (got MILF?).

But I digress. I think this weekend and next weekend I’ll be shopping for a new/used car. My first option is a new Mazda 3. My second option is a used Audi A4. Of course I might end up purchasing a new Dodge Caravan so I can stop by the soccer fields in the summer and pick up some yummy mummies.

Soccer Mom – Hey, nice ride you got there.
Me – Yeah, that baby seats 5 comfortably. Pull out the hide-and-go seat at the back and we’re looking at 7-8 people.
Soccer Mom – You’re just showing off.
Me – Did I mention the 2 sliding doors?
Soccer Mom – Now you’re just being naughty!
Me – That turns you on doesn’t it?
Soccer Mom – If I wasn’t here watching my son’s game I’d ask you to take me for a ride and maybe after that I’d check out your minivan.
Me – Now YOU’RE being naughty!
Soccer Mom – Damn right I am. “Go Jimmy, score one for mommy!”
Me – Is that your son? If he doesn’t score one for mommy, I will.

Ok, so I’m a bit delusional (and slightly perverse) but hopefully I'll have a new ride soon.